INTERVIEW: Naz Perez Talks Her Confidential Support Group for the Brokenhearted

Instagram has a funny way of working itself. One second, you’re disassociating, scrolling through “Get Ready with Me” reels and photo dumps, and the next, you’re hit with a quote behind an aesthetic background that snaps you right back into reality. That’s what happened to me, at least.

One June morning, when I really needed it, I scrolled past a post telling me, “One day, you’re going to live the life you always wanted, and in that moment, you’ll understand why certain things didn’t work out in the past.” I love a good quote Instagram page, so of course I followed, but it wasn’t long after I discovered what I was following: a platform for the heartbroken, run by Naz Perez.

The Bachelor producer turned TV host Naz Perez took the experiences from her own heartbreak and those around her to create Heart Broken Anonymous. Established in 2017, HBA is a confidential support group for those dealing with heartbreak, not just the romantic kind. 

The only requirement for HBA members? Hope. Individuals of all backgrounds are welcome to come as they are, sit in their feelings, and just be.

Ahead of HBA’s Venice event with Open, Perez sat down with Glitter to talk about Heart Broken Anonymous’s inception, the importance of feeling your emotions, and what’s to come with the platform. Check it out below.

BRITTANY: Heart Broken Anonymous is an amazing organization helping those struggling with heartbreak, whether that’s relationship-wise, career-wise, etc. Can you tell us how it came about?

NAZ: I used to be a producer on The Bachelor, and so many people think of The Bachelor as a love show, but working on it, I quickly realized that it’s more of a heartbreak show. 24 to 25 people go home; you know what I mean? So, I was thinking about it when I left the show, and I was making a career move. I was unemployed in my apartment, and I got a knock on my door from my neighbor, who I met, like, three times getting the mail because I was always traveling on the show. She was like, “I know we don’t really know each other.” She was crying, and she just needed support and someone to talk to. She was going through an intense breakup. Yeah. After she told me her story, she was like, “I feel so much better talking to you. I can’t talk to my mom or my sister about this.” I was like, “Whoa, that’s kind of crazy that we’re, like, more willing to tell strangers how we actually feel about things in life than our own friends, family, and people we know.” So, that idea was, like, marinating in my head, and then I was going through a heartbreak a couple of months later. I’ve experienced unrequited love a lot. I realized people didn’t take unrequited love seriously. Even when I would produce, different cast members on The Bachelor. If someone was really into another person, but that person didn’t like them back, the narrative was “This person is crazy.” All these experiences made me realize that people are hurting. And when people are hurting, there isn’t necessarily support from people we know. Sometimes, people will be like, “You know, you just met that person for three days. You could get over it.” But who are we to quantify pain for anyone? I was so heartbroken. I literally couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I had nightmares. I started doing research, and I found out that the official definition of heartbreak is “overwhelming distress.” I was like, “That’s crazy,” because the way we think of heartbreak is a girl getting dumped by a guy, you know? But it’s anything. It’s having a miscarriage, like losing your job, getting in a fight with your mom, or getting deported—anything can cause heartbreak. I was thinking, like, how crazy it is that if you get physically ill, we have all these places you can go. You can go to the hospital, you can go to the doctors, you can call out sick to work. If you want to read, you can go to the library. If you are hungry and want to cook a meal, you can go to the grocery store. But, like, where? Where the f*ck do you go when you’re heartbroken? How is there nowhere for anyone to go? So, all of those things led me to start studying the format of support groups and creating one because it just didn’t exist for heartbroken people.

BRITTANY: It’s funny because I looked at your work on The Bachelor, and I felt that it’s a show more notorious for heartbreak than love. Was there a moment on The Bachelor that you think about that influenced a part of Heart Broken Anonymous?

NAZ: I think all of our life experiences influence everything. Ashley Iaconetti, who’s one of my best friends, we host a podcast together called I Don’t Get It. On her season [of The Bachelor], seeing her heartbroken over Jared was really impactful in my life. It’s that perfect example of unrequited love I was telling you about. She was so in love with him. People thought she was crazy. Now they’re married and they have a kid, which is so funny. It doesn’t always turn out that way. But I was so fascinated by how quick people were to call someone crazy. I’ve seen it happen in meetings, too, you know, like I’ve been hosting Heart Broken Anonymous meetings virtually and in person since May 2017. First, we were just doing it in person, and then, in the pandemic, that’s when we went virtual. But so many hetero-straight guys come in. They’re like, “My girlfriend dumped me, and my guy friends don’t take it seriously.” They’re like, “You’re going to save so much money now. She was crazy.” I remember one time a guy came and he was like, “I thought I was going to marry this person. And I still think about her all the time. And that was 25 years ago. I feel stupid, like telling my friends about it.” To me, it’s like, man, can we just, like, kind of come together and be there for each other because, at the end of the day, we can heal each other? While I was starting the group, there was also a loneliness epidemic that was proclaimed in the United States. So many people are lonely, and lacking social connection, which can actually increase your risk of premature death. You can be lonely and die. So, what do you do if you’ve got nowhere to go? So that was really like all those factors and ingredients were really like the precipice of me wanting to provide Heart Broken Anonymous for people.

BRITTANY: That’s amazing. I love how you took the initiative to say, “I’m feeling this way, I know others are feeling this way, we’re not alone; so, let’s do something about it.” Tell me how you built your community from its inception to now having an Instagram with over 3.5K followers. What’s the feedback been like?

NAZ: Thank you for that beautiful question. When I first started it, I had no money. I fund a lot of it, I kind of lose money doing it, to be honest. I would rent out a space and all our HBA ambassadors, we have three who are amazing: Sarah, Molly, and Joe. They all do it on a volunteer basis, just out of the kindness of their hearts. And then I’ll pay the person who runs the website, Instagram, and newsletter for me. But the way we grew, it was really through word of mouth. People came in saying, “Hey, this really helped me.” They told their therapist, and then that therapist told their clients. I’m so grateful to have the career I have because through my career. I’m always talking about it too. It’s just a resource that I feel like people don’t know exists, but in the very beginning, when I was first marketing for it, I bought a stencil and I would go around LA at 3 A.M. And I would spray paint the sidewalks. If you go deep into the Heart Broken, Anonymous Instagram, you’ll find those. It was like two footprints that said, “Dear heart, why me? – Heart Broken Anonymous.” What was so cool was that I knew people would stand there and take pictures of it. It’s illegal, but it worked. I’m always just trying to think of creative ways that I can tell people about it because a lot of people just don’t know.

BRITTANY: That’s such a smart move. Even here in New York City, we have those “Protect Your Heart” paintings all over the ground that I always see on social media, so it works. Now, when someone attends a Heart Broken Anonymous meeting for the first time, what can they expect?

NAZ: My whole idea for Heart Broken Anonymous was, we’re all going through sh*t, and no one talks to each other about it. Brené Brown says my favorite quote of all time, which is, “It’s really hard to hate people up close.” The whole idea behind Heart Broken Anonymous was, “What if everyone on a New York City subway talked to each other instead of keeping it in?” When people come to a meeting, we sit on the floor in a circle. If it’s in person, when people come to a meeting, we sit in a circle. Someone will moderate the meeting. I moderate meetings in LA once a month. We’ll walk through our rules and traditions. Sharing is encouraged, but it’s not required. When people come to a meeting, we sit on the floor in a circle. If it’s in person, when people come to a meeting, we sit in a circle. Someone will moderate the meeting. I moderate meetings in LA once a month. We’ll walk through our rules and traditions. Sharing is encouraged, but it’s not required. People have up to four minutes to share their stories if they want. We’ll sort of pass it back around, and people will share and listen to stories. At the end, we’ll share something that we’re grateful for, so it doesn’t end on a heavy note. I always leave space in person for people to connect afterward. The coolest part about Heart Broken Anonymous is building community. So, watching people walk in as strangers and leave as friends is my favorite part. If you go to a virtual heartbroken anonymous meeting, they’re always Thursdays on Zoom at 5 P.M. Pacific and 8 P.M. Eastern. Our amazing ambassador will moderate the meeting. They’ll come up with a random list in random order for people to share Again, what’s amazing about the Zoom interview is that you don’t even have to put your camera on if you want to be anonymous, and you can just listen, you’re not required to share. I want people to feel less alone. But I will say that when people go in, and hear other stories, they do want to share them because they feel like they’re part of something. In the in-person meetings, everyone will share their story. They’ll say something they’re grateful for. Then virtually, people can share their contact information in the chat, if they want to write up to them if they want to be contacted and connect afterwards. We’re currently exploring, having our community meet on an app. So, hopefully, that’s coming soon in the future. Just outside of meetings, people can enter the Heart Broken Anonymous chat and talk to each other.

BRITTANY: Now you’re taking it a step further with your in-person event this Friday. Can you tell us more about it?

NAZ: So, Open Mindfulness Studio is the coolest mindfulness app you can download. If you’re into meditation, breathwork, or sound flow classes, you have to download the Open Mindfulness app on your phone. They pick out a meditation for you, so every morning you don’t have to sift through a million. It’s just so well done. I live in LA, and they have a studio in Venice where you can take meditation classes, take breathwork classes, and have sound experiences. Manoj Dias, who is a teacher there, and if you download the app, his voice is just magical to wake up to every morning, you know, like he just has the best meditation voice. He’s also just an incredible, emerging, leading spiritual leader of our time. So, what we’re doing is partnering with them now because, with Heart Broken Anonymous, healing is always done just by sharing and reminding yourself that you’re not alone. So this year I was like, “How can we amp that up?” So, this Friday at Open Mindfulness Studio, in person, Manoj will be leading breathwork, and then he’s going to do a Q&A with me. We’re going to do a mini Heart Broken Anonymous meeting and then a meditation. We’re just bringing a little extra healing and a little more community to Venice.

BRITTANY: Meditation is interesting because I feel like it’s something that has become “mainstream” within the last five years. In your experience, how do you think meditation aids in mending a broken heart?

NAZ: What’s so cool is that if you go on the Open app right now in February, there’s a Heart & Heartbreak series because of our collab. It’ll tell you about the science behind love and loss. What’s beautiful about these guided meditations is that, you know, you’re sitting down by yourself, you’re being present, but you’re also, learning and putting words to the feelings that you’re feeling. You’re being guided through them. One of the meditations is called “Attached.” They talk about how we feel so attached to things at times. So, the more information we have, the better context we have and the better we feel; also, just take time to yourself to be still. The whole reason why I think Heart Broken Anonymous is so incredible is because everyone always asks me to, “Give me five ways to get over it, to move on. I hate the words “move on” and “get over” because I’m like, “No, you need to sit in your heartbreak and just feel it.” Yeah. Go through it; the only way is through. If you’re doing things to try and get over or like to move on, you’re not honoring, what your body is telling you. It’s not to say that you need to sit in that for your whole life. Grief isn’t linear. But that’s why I love it so much, because it gives you meditation, and the meetings give you time to just sit, feel, and just be. You don’t have to try to be better. You don’t have to get over it. You don’t have to listen to advice from your friend. You can just be. I think we need more places where we can just be, like, come as you are.

BRITTANY: I think this is the worst time to kind of suffer from a broken heart romantically because Valentine’s Day is right here. What is your advice to somebody who’s hit with a reminder of their heartbreak every time they walk into a store or restaurant?

NAZ: Thank you for bringing that up. The week of Valentine’s, ironically, was when my heartbreak was two days before Valentine’s Day. That was the heartbreak that led to me starting this group. So if anyone knows what that feels like, I know what it feels like. Come to a Heart Broken Anonymous virtual meeting. We have one on Valentine’s Day or the day after. This week there’s a virtual meeting on the 15, Thursday, so the day after Valentine’s Day to just sit and be among people, you know, that feel the same way you do. Another insight I think I could offer is just to remind yourself that you’re not alone. Try and find a community because we have all these quick fixes for how we feel, right? I’m not saying that anything is bad, but I really, truly feel like we have the power to heal each other. I just want people to find more spaces where they can heal each other. And journaling, of course, is always great.

BRITTANY: I like that. I think it’s important to sit in your feelings rather than seek out alternatives because once the alternative wears off, the feeling is still there. To wrap up, Heart Broken Anonymous was established in 2017 and has grown immensely since. What are your hopes and goals for the next five years? Where do you see it going?

NAZ: Thank you for that question. I want to explore the option of turning it into a nonprofit. I’ve heard so many things about that, good and bad. So definitely exploring that, because the goal is to reach and help as many people as possible. Also, what I was, sharing with you earlier is that I want to create a space where people can meet outside of meetings so that they always have access to that type of community. Right. So we’re currently beta testing that out in an app that I really can’t share right now. But, hopefully, we’ll share soon.

BRITTANY: That’s so exciting. Naz, thank you so much for speaking with Glitter.

NAZ: Thank you for having me.

Keep up with Heart Broken Anonymous on their website and Instagram.